'I often go walking'

Yesterday marked five years of my mom passing away. Five YEARS!! These past five years have gone by so fast, but yet so s.l.o.w. My family has gone through so much since then. My mom and I were so close, we did everything together. From going shopping(yes, I went grocery shopping with my mom in high school) to going to the mid-night premier of Twilight! I remember going dress shopping for Prom my senior year of high school and as I was trying on dresses and showing my mom and seeing her get excited about certain dresses, I remember trying to hold back tears in front of her because I knew she wouldn't be there for that day when I go wedding dress shopping. I sometimes get jealous of other girls my age who still have their mother alive and they do fun mother/daughter things. My mom wasn't there when I brought Paul home to met my family, she wasn't there when I got married in the temple, when I had my kids, when Paul graduated from BYU,etc. At all of these monumental times in my life, I ALWAYS have felt her in spirit. How grateful I am that the veil is so thin, so I can feel her at times when I need her. So to all of you girls out there who still have your mom, call her and tell her how much you love her. I would give anything to talk to my mom and tell her that. Also, tell her that motherhood is so hard and ask how she raised 6 kids and still battled colon cancer for 12 and half years. With Paul being in Med school, I really need my mom. I need my mom to tell me,"Jenn, keep going, you can do this!" I love you mom!

Visiting cousins in Tacoma and going to the zoo

"If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard" - Sheri Dew

I love this quote by Sheri Dew, "If life were easy,it wouldn't be hard." So simple. But yet, so complex in a way. If life was easy, there would be no reason or purpose for the Savior to have crucified on the cross. I guess, I'm saying that I am glad that life is hard, so I can learn from my mistakes and live with my Savior and Heavenly Father again! But hey, I am human and most days are hard and that I wish everything would be handed to me on a silver platter:) A few weeks ago, I was doing the dishes and it was a hard day for me. The thought came to me, "Why does motherhood have to be so hard? If it were easy there would be more children on the earth and more woman wanting to have kids." Right then and there I was overwhelmed by the spirit and had tears streaming down my face. The Holy Ghost had testified to me, that motherhood is hard so that I can lean and rely on my Heavenly Father, whom too is a parent and understands the hardships of a parent. I am so bless to have had this experience to help me every minute of every hour each day. Motherhood is not easy! I love Leah and Clay so much, I can not imagine my life without them. Paul is amazing! He is so great at juggling med school, studying and spending time with us. The kids get so excited when Paul gets home, especially Clay. Clay is such a daddy's boy. Once Paul is home, Clay doesn't want anything to do with me. I love that Clay looks up to Paul, every little boy should have their hero be their dad. Thank you Paul for being a wonderful father to our children! Leah has been stinker lately. She keeps me on my toes. Today at Wal Mart we were in the check out line, she grabs a Twix candy bar and runs away from me, which meant I had to leave Clay in the cart all by himself. I felt so embarrassed. I bet people were thinking, "That mom needs to be more strict with that child." I try so hard everyday to teach Leah to be obedient and listen to me. Some days are good and some days not so good. I sometimes feel like other moms are judging me and that if I did this or that Leah wouldn't be disobedient. I have to remind myself, that I am doing the best I can and trying to teach her to be obedient. 2 year olds are hard! I also, I have to tell myself she is 2 and to give myself a break. Did I say motherhood is hard?! Haha!

I feel my Savior's Love

Well I survived the actual first week of med school and I am on my 2nd week. I know Heavenly Father blessed me with a great week first week, so I could go onto this week, ha! The past couple of days, Clayton has been whinny and not sleeping at all. On Tuesday night Clay went to bed around 8pm and by 10:30 he was crying and not happy. Finally by 2am on Wednesday morning Clay went back to sleep. Wednesday morning I knew Clay was suffering from an ear infection, so I TRIED calling every doctor in Yakima! Every doctor office told me the same thing," Sorry, but you need to fill our a new patient forms and wait for a 24 hour process and for the doctor to okay the papers." WHAT?! The place I called I was crying, no one would help my son or me and he was in so much pain. I felt so discouraged and frustrated. FINALLY after what seemed forever, I was able to get Clay a doctor appointment in Mattaw, which is an hour away. As I was about to head out the door so we could make the appointment, my neighbor, Lauren knocked on my door saying she heard Clay had a rough night and asked if she could watch Leah for me. I told her we were leaving to the doctor, she said,"Let me take Leah." I told Lauren that its a pretty far drive and I wouldn't be back for few hours, but she insisted. Lauren saved me! Another tender mercy happened today. My friend Jayli(whose husband is a first year med student) asked if she could bring me dinner tonight. She has 4 very young kids and here she is serving me. The past couple of days I have felt our Saviors love for me as well as feeling humble. The Lord is aware of our needs and when we need a hand. This experience has strengthen my testimony and how I can feel my Savior's love for me. He does care about all of us and our needs. He knows when we need an extra hand. Thank you Lauren and Jayli for being Christ-like and serving me. Both of you have taught how to serve and be a true friend. Thank you!

Leah's first time feeding ducks

When we first got to Yakima, we drove past by this beautiful "park" and Paul and I both made the comment on how pretty this "park" is and how I need to come and bring the kids to play and feed the ducks. Well, we found out that the "park" is a cemetery, but you can go feed the ducks. Today Paul took the car, which meant I was car less. I thought it would be fun to run and push the kids in the double jogging stroller and we could feed the ducks. I told Leah we had to do some chores before we left and that she had to pick up her toys, etc. away. She did pretty good at listening:) The kids and I had such a fun time, I think I may have had more fun then Leah! I seriously could of stayed all day to feed the ducks. Here are some pictures of our fun morning:

'I wanna see you be brave'

First off, it's been LONG time since I have blogged(oops!) Life has definitely changed for us. Clayton was on August 14th 2013, two days later I got out of hospital and went to Paul's BYU graduation. We then moved to Othello, so we could save some money a before med school. Paul was the Athletic Trainer(Sports Medicine) for the high school. We applied to schools and all the process that goes with applying to med school. Paul got into his top choice, Go Paul! On July 21st we moved to Yakima, Washington to start our long, but exciting adventure of med school. We already love it here, our ward is so welcoming. The med students and their spouses have been AWESOME! By everyone being so welcoming has really made this transition a lot smoother, at least for me. Paul is the outgoing person in our relationship, I'm the quiet one who doesn't say much when we get in big groups, but if I'm in a small group I am more outgoing. I guess there can't be two outgoing personalities in a relationship, right? Paul has had orientation all week, which has been good and bad I guess you can say. Good part is he has been getting home around 3 or 4 each day. The bad part- I have been anticipating of being a med school widow and I just want it to either happen or not happen. Next week everything will sink in, Paul getting up early for school and being in class from 8-5 and then being gone all night to study and me putting the kids to bed all by myself. Boo! This week I have been so moody and emotional.I have had a couple wive's telling me this happened to them last year when their husbands started school. Apart of me thinks I can't do this and I won't be able to handle it, but the other part of me is saying, "I can do this!" I have been listening to General Conference talks each morning as I am making breakfast and with each talk I am hoping I will hear some amazing quote on how to do hard things, but with each talk I hear the same, but powerful lesson: Have faith and the Savior is ALWAYS near whenever we need him and how important the gospel is in our lives. I know that I am going to have some really bad days, and I may say,"This really sucks" but, I do KNOW the Savior will be right beside me cheering me on and giving me the strength I need to be a great mom and wife. How blessed I am to know the Savior loves me and that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true! How lost I would be without the true and everlasting gospel. So here goes to a new school year,new trials, new adventure, new friends and new memories!