'I often go walking'

Yesterday marked five years of my mom passing away. Five YEARS!! These past five years have gone by so fast, but yet so s.l.o.w. My family has gone through so much since then. My mom and I were so close, we did everything together. From going shopping(yes, I went grocery shopping with my mom in high school) to going to the mid-night premier of Twilight! I remember going dress shopping for Prom my senior year of high school and as I was trying on dresses and showing my mom and seeing her get excited about certain dresses, I remember trying to hold back tears in front of her because I knew she wouldn't be there for that day when I go wedding dress shopping. I sometimes get jealous of other girls my age who still have their mother alive and they do fun mother/daughter things. My mom wasn't there when I brought Paul home to met my family, she wasn't there when I got married in the temple, when I had my kids, when Paul graduated from BYU,etc. At all of these monumental times in my life, I ALWAYS have felt her in spirit. How grateful I am that the veil is so thin, so I can feel her at times when I need her. So to all of you girls out there who still have your mom, call her and tell her how much you love her. I would give anything to talk to my mom and tell her that. Also, tell her that motherhood is so hard and ask how she raised 6 kids and still battled colon cancer for 12 and half years. With Paul being in Med school, I really need my mom. I need my mom to tell me,"Jenn, keep going, you can do this!" I love you mom!

Visiting cousins in Tacoma and going to the zoo

"If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard" - Sheri Dew

I love this quote by Sheri Dew, "If life were easy,it wouldn't be hard." So simple. But yet, so complex in a way. If life was easy, there would be no reason or purpose for the Savior to have crucified on the cross. I guess, I'm saying that I am glad that life is hard, so I can learn from my mistakes and live with my Savior and Heavenly Father again! But hey, I am human and most days are hard and that I wish everything would be handed to me on a silver platter:) A few weeks ago, I was doing the dishes and it was a hard day for me. The thought came to me, "Why does motherhood have to be so hard? If it were easy there would be more children on the earth and more woman wanting to have kids." Right then and there I was overwhelmed by the spirit and had tears streaming down my face. The Holy Ghost had testified to me, that motherhood is hard so that I can lean and rely on my Heavenly Father, whom too is a parent and understands the hardships of a parent. I am so bless to have had this experience to help me every minute of every hour each day. Motherhood is not easy! I love Leah and Clay so much, I can not imagine my life without them. Paul is amazing! He is so great at juggling med school, studying and spending time with us. The kids get so excited when Paul gets home, especially Clay. Clay is such a daddy's boy. Once Paul is home, Clay doesn't want anything to do with me. I love that Clay looks up to Paul, every little boy should have their hero be their dad. Thank you Paul for being a wonderful father to our children! Leah has been stinker lately. She keeps me on my toes. Today at Wal Mart we were in the check out line, she grabs a Twix candy bar and runs away from me, which meant I had to leave Clay in the cart all by himself. I felt so embarrassed. I bet people were thinking, "That mom needs to be more strict with that child." I try so hard everyday to teach Leah to be obedient and listen to me. Some days are good and some days not so good. I sometimes feel like other moms are judging me and that if I did this or that Leah wouldn't be disobedient. I have to remind myself, that I am doing the best I can and trying to teach her to be obedient. 2 year olds are hard! I also, I have to tell myself she is 2 and to give myself a break. Did I say motherhood is hard?! Haha!